Broken Heart, One More Time…
I’m sorry. I love you so much. I wish you could fix things. I wish you’d let me fix things, because I know I can and I know you can too. But you don’t want to fix things. You chose your family, when they don’t know me the way you do. I would never do anything to hurt you. You knew that, yet you choose to believe otherwise. I thought I was going to be a part of your family. I wanted to be a part of your family, because I loved them too. I thought I was your family, the way you were mine, I thought we were forever. You want me to move on like it’s easy. But I’ll get stronger, I know I will. Just remember, I loved you with all that I had. You will realize that one day, and by then it’ll be too late. Ironically, I hope you never see this.
-S
</3 :’(
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I just want someone who doesn’t have a curfew who can take me out to places that I love in the middle of the night where it’s peaceful and lively at the same time and who’s parents won’t flinch at the sound of my name when they ask who he’s going out with so late at night and I don’t have to compete with his friends for his parents’ approval where going out late at night is concerned, or even going out at all. Is that too much to ask.
All Alone
Dear Tumblr,
Everyone’s been treating me like I’m nothing lately. I really don’t mean to indulge in self-pity, I just need to let it out. It hurts. The people I care about the most just don’t seem to really care about me. I’m starting to wonder, am I that repulsive? Am I so disgusting that people just want to stay as far away from me as possible? I hate the way this feels. I have no motivation to move. I’m scared my psyche will affect my performance during my interview tomorrow. Right now, I just want to curl up in my lovely and understanding bed and cry, cry, cry.
-Ladonnapetite
I Know I Said I Hate My Mother, But…
I actually really love her. So much. I guess you can say it’s tough love on her part. I love you, Mama. Always and forever <3
I love it when pretty girls say I’m pretty, it makes my day! Plus, she’s a famous tumblr icon <3!
Happiness
Those nights when everything’s perfect and it’s midnight and you get midnight cravings and you just want to curl up on the couch and eat nice food and watch a nice movie, BUT YOU CAN’T BECAUSE YOU’RE TRYING TO CHANGE AND SEE THAT THERE’S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST GOOD FOOD AND MOVIES. 1am. Bedtime. Night.
Hate
To be honest, I’m scared of that word. I’m scared of what it will do to me spiritually and subconsciously. I have this fear that writing about it, thinking it, feeling it or entertaining it might damage me somehow in one way or another. However, I feel the need to let out a guilty thought. Right now, I hate my mother. Tonight I have to go and see her, and I’m imagining all sorts of things right now. I’m imagining how our conversations will run when I see her, or how they won’t. I’m imagining how I’m going to lose it if she starts throwing insults at me. The last time I saw her, she compared me to my sister-in-law, who was my former best friend. Do you have any idea what that’s like? Being compared to your best friend who happens to be your sister-in-law, who’s the same age as you?
Writing
I just have no idea where to write anymore. I have so many journals. This one, another soft copy journal and two more hard copies. It shows how much I love writing, but the problem with that is, I am never consistent. I must make a promise to myself to write at least once a day, until it becomes a habit that I can no longer get rid of. Although I prefer writing with a real pen on a real piece of paper, soft copy journals have something else to it, I can’t quite put my finger on it. I guess it’s the effect of social networking, part of being a millennium child. Maybe others out there have the same thought crossing their minds?
PLEASE. I just want to get away from it all. Far, far away. Away from family, friends, boyfriends and just go to a place where nobody knows my name.
Change
I need to get to that point where I trust myself. Most of the time when I say I’d change once and for all, it’s like crying wolf. I tell myself time and again, “please change and stick to it this time”, but I end up going back to my old ways. And as time passes by, I trust myself less and start to doubt myself, “is it for real this time?”, “is this the turning point?”, “is this finally it?”.
